my penchant for destroying wonderful experiences with ridiculous analytical conversations with myself

I have this tendency to analyse everything whether it requires it or not. Maybe I’m crazy or maybe it’s just my personality, but I drive myself mad because of it. I wish, just once, I could not do it and see how that goes, but I can’t help myself. So I offer this: my thought process upons seeing a rainbow yesterday:

“That’s a nice rainbow.”
“I wonder if it’s just a rainbow or if there’s something more to this rainbow being right here for me to see, right now. Maybe the rainbow could be a metaphor for something.”
“Why does it have to be a metaphor for something? Why can’t it just be a rainbow?”
“Well, it could just be a rainbow. But what if I’m missing something else, something more significant, if I just sit here and look at the rainbow?”
“Or maybe you’re not missing anything and that’s all there is to it. It’s just a rainbow. Beautiful, to be enjoyed, but just as a rainbow.”
“But once I’ve seen it, looked at it, enjoyed it, I really don’t know where to go from there.”
“Why do you need to go somewhere from there?”
“Because it lasts longer than just my seeing and enjoying it, and I feel like I’m not getting as much out of the experience if it doesn’t go further.”
“So maybe it’s a metaphor then. The original rainbow in the Bible story was about hope for the future. Maybe it’s supposed to be about hope for the future?”
“Or maybe you’re just an idiot and it’s just a rainbow. Seriously, why can’t you just enjoy a freaking rainbow?”
“I really don’t know why, but I just can’t. Clearly.” (rolls eyes at himself)
“Maybe giving it more significance is a way of preserving the moment.”
“Why do you have this need to preserve the moment? Why can’t it just be a good moment, and then let it go?”
“Because it’s rare. I like the feeling I have at this moment, and I want to preserve it and enjoy it later.”
“But maybe it’s valuable and wonderful because it is only fleeting.”
“Maybe. But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more significance to it happening right here, right now.”
“Well surely it would’ve happened regardless of whether or not you were there to see it. So maybe it has no significance.”
“Ah, but I am here to see it. The fact that I’m in this place, at this moment, suggests there must be some significance.”
“Or maybe not.”

Etc. Etc.

And in so doing, I somehow destroy the experience of seeing a rainbow.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s